Insomniac’s Paradise
by Coneflower Adams
Summary: Nights on the island have never really been quiet, especially now with a baby crying. Charlie still wishes for the family he never built, and Claire wishes she’d have made a better choice in the past.


**Insomniac's Paradise**

She was up again feeding the baby. She was up every night, all night since Connor was born a week ago. He'd watch her pace back and forth, rocking the baby gently in her arms and murmuring softly. She'd feed Connor with her back turned from everything save the cave wall. She wouldn't sleep, but he wouldn't either.

It wasn't anything new. Charlie was use to only getting a couple hours of sleep here and there, four straight on a good night (which were rare). Being pregnant and scared was the main reason Claire couldn't get to sleep. He'd keep her company, bring her water, make sure she was warm, anything to keep his thoughts from running ramped. He'd watch her every night until he couldn't stay down any longer. Then he'd be up, walking towards her pacing figure.

"You started the party without me?"

Claire raised her eyes, and cracked a tired smile that faded as fast as it appeared. "Sorry, forgot to call you."

Charlie sighed. "Claire, I don't want you falling over from exhaustion." He held out his hands. "Sit down and I'll walk Connor."

"You don't have to, Charlie" she replied.

"You say that every night and what do I do?"

Claire squeezed her eyes shut, handing Connor over to him. She was protective over her son, even with people she felt she could trust. But Charlie was priveledged in Claire's book. He'd proven over and over again that he'd stick with her, and it made her wonder…

"You and Thomas would not get on with each other..."

A flicker of confusion passed over Charlie's face, and Claire realized that must have been the first time she had mentioned his name.

"Thomas...the bloke who-?"

"Yeah." Claire nodded. "Impregnanted me and buggered off."

"Nice chap-" Charlie muttered, sarcastically.

"He was until y'know - Connor." She waved a hand over her little boy, lying peacefully in the crook of Charlie's arm.

"Yeah…"

Claire sunk to her makeshift bed. "Charlie...can I ask you something? As a man?"

Charlie, with much care, settled down in front of her. "As a man? Yes, you may ask me something as a man. But you have to grow a beard first."

Despite her tired-state, Claire chuckled. "You know what I meant."

"I know, I know..." he said softly, "ask me anything."

"Would you…if I…if you were...wow-" Claire rubbed her eyes, frustratedly. "This is a really awkward thing to ask."

"If your child had been mine?"

Claire nodded, speechless at the fact that Charlie had finished her question. Charlie looked down at little Connor - such a precious life lay in his arms, oblivious of the dangers surrounding him. What if it was different: if Claire had been his girlfriend before the crash and they had made this baby together? It sounded like Liam's story, but there was one differnce. Claire would not have had a drug addicted boyfriend. She may be innocence, but she isn't naïve.

But He would have thrown the drugs in the fire a hundred times over, though, if Claire had been his, pregnant with his child. Charlie shook himself out of the 'what if' state of mind. Claire nervously nibbled her lip, eyes closed.

"I'm not like Thomas."

She opened her eyes to look at him, surprised he had spoken her former love's name.

"I can't imagine a bloke with a beautiful girlfriend carrying his baby could just walk away like he did. I would never have abandon you."

Before Claire could respond, Charlie continued, "My brother, Liam, he was the one who always wanted the fame and glory. I was the one who had thought of raising a family. But somewhere along the way, our roles got switched. He got his girlfriend pregnant, and missed his daughter's birth. He told me, 'One look at my little girl, and I fell in love'. That's when he got clean, married his girlfriend, and quit the band for good to raise HIS family. I was left alone to wallow in my own filth with only the drugs to keep me company.

"Ever since Liam cleaned up three years ago, I have wandered in my nightmares trying to figure out how he got what I had dreamed of having and I got what he deserved."

"Why didn't you try to quit on your own?" Claire's voice cut through the night, leaving Charlie shaken. He'd never told anyone, save for Liam, what he always wanted. The experience of the band was amazing; it truly was about the music at first. Charlie tried hard to stay away from the sex that seemed to follow the band around. It was fun while it happened, but after the duty was done, he felt dirty and ashamed and would stay away from the 'fans' for a while. Then he'd get high off the experience of performing and make the same stupid mistake again.

Charlie shrugged a shoulder. "Didn't think I had the strength to stop, and I was scared of the pain." He snorted. "I am a bloody coward, you know."

"Charlie" heaved Claire, frustratedly. "You are not a coward, you bloody git."

"So, we agree that I am at least a bloody git."

"No, no, no." Claire waved her arms, her actions looking slightly drunk. "Okay, you're a git, but so am I for picking the wrong man to accidentally get me pregnant. I wish you were Connor's daddy. Maybe we wouldn't be here on this spooky island."

"Maybe not."

"Charlie, you have a family, if you still want one. You, of all people, know I can't do this alone and I don't want to. I'm tired of being alone."

"Me too, luv." Charlie nervously shifted; gently not to wake the baby. "I didn't want to assumed that I did then get it snatched from me once more. One-third of it has to agree."

Claire leaned forward on the palms of her hands, closing in most of the space between her and Charlie. "I believe you about not abandoning me if Connor was yours. I also believe you won't abandon me now. My head is telling me, 'Don't trust him. He'll feed you lovely lies then toss you aside.' My head is the one that got me in trouble before thinking Thomas would stick with me.

"I'm going to listen to my gut this time. My gut told me to trust you after you shot Ethan. My gut told me, 'Don't run from him or you'll make the biggest mistake of your life.' I'm fed up with making mistakes. This one-third agrees with you."

Despite the seiousness of the conversation, Charlie nearly burst out in hystercial laughter. He'd never seen Claire so animated before.

"Men? Bloody useless my arse" Claire proclaimed, closing the small gap between them, meeting Charlie's lips with hers. It only last a few seconds, but it was the best kiss Charlie had ever receieved. Connor was crying again.

"Oh, my little Croc Hunter" Claire murmured, rubbing Connor's hand with her finger.

"Croc Hunter?" repeated Charlie, quirking an eyebrow. "Is that what you say while you walk him?"

"I run out of things to say usually after the first feeding of the night."

She reached out to take him, but Charlie pulled away. "I doubt he's hungry after just eating. Let me walk him like I said I was going to. Remember, we're in this together."

Tears welled up in Claire's eyes. "You're so good to me, Charlie."

"Get some sleep, Claire. You need it, and I need to calm Connor down before the entire camp wakes up to pelt rocks at me."

Claire nodded, sniffling. "Okay." She lay down, and Charlie could tell she fell asleep instantly. He smiled, turning his full attention on the crying baby in his arms.

"I guess you're a little jealous of me kissing your Mommy. I can understand. You've had her all to yourself for nine months. You'll get use to me being around, because I'm not going anywhere."

TBC? (not sure yet!)


End file.
